i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
