smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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