you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
