Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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