he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
