You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize