I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
