If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
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I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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