I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
