he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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