Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize