Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
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Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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