I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
