I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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