It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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