I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
