for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
