Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
