I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
