I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
