Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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