Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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