After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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