you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
