last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
