so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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