I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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