You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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