Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
