he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
