doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
