You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
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i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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