Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
