My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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