Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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