i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's blow job season.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
