my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
