Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
