My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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