I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
