Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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