also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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