Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
