Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize