I wish they made helmets for livers.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
