Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
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i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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