So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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