Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
