i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There's even glitter on my cock...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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