I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
