so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
