Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
