He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize