my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
