I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You don't make any sense
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