Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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