I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
